A memory of what never happened

Resurrecting crushes Pt. 1

Recently, I ventured on stage here in Amherst to tell the story of the crush I had on this guy I worked with one summer at the Skyline Chili stand at the Cincinnati Zoo & Botanical Garden. I was fifteen at the time, as was the guy I liked, and since the theme for the storytelling night was “Missed Connections,” my tale was about how nothing really happened between us despite my intense longing.

What excited me about constructing this story was that it involved a site specific memory of something that never occurred. In particular, there was this secluded bench-lined nook between the Reptile House and Monkey Island that I’d go to on my breaks from the chili stand. I spent a lot of time there that summer eating grilled chicken sandwiches and fantasizing about my crush. I was sure if I could get him to this hidden spot, away from everyone we worked with at the stand, he would kiss me. Even now over twenty-five years later, I can still visualize this kiss and exactly where it never occurred.

The story I told live is available now on NEPM’s Valley Voices podcast (episode: Missed Connections, first story). I hope you’ll give it a listen!

Take a look at me, baby, I am my teenage prayer

My dad is a huge Bob Dylan fan, and so when I was growing up, I heard a lot of Dylan’s music, especially on Saturdays when my mom was working. My dad would play his records loud, and while I didn’t appreciate the music as much then as I do now, there were a couple of songs on Dylan’s meandering Basement Tapes that I did quite like. One is the song Tupelo in which Dylan protractedly spells out Mississippi twice, for what seems like half the song, the first time incorrectly. The other song I enjoyed was I’m Your Teenage Prayer, which comes off as kind of a parody of 50s and 60s pop music like Bobby Darren’s “Dream Lover.”

When I finally got my hair cut in May 2021, after not cutting for over a year because of the pandemic, I decided to chop it all off (nearly elbow length to well above the ears). My main motivation was to make it easier to wash since I was working out a lot at the time, but one nice side effect was I suddenly felt more attractive because the cut was in the same style as guys I’d crushed on growing up.

I’d look into the mirror and Dylan’s lyrics would play in my mind, “Take a look at me baby, I am [my] teenage prayer.”

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